Parents & Adults

Parents and Adults

Published by Youth Week

One of the parts of society that has the greatest influence and strongest relationships with young people is parents. Research also shows that young people need strong relationships with non-parental adults.

"Young people thrive through supportive relationships and especially through relationships with adults" (1)

"Parents, and others who act as parents, are vital - it is they who must provide most of the support, encouragement and guidance that young people need". (2)

Check out these ideas on how parents and other adults can support young people:

Give Responsibility: Watch us succeed

Spend Time: Discover our creativity

Include: Grow our community

Why young people need adult relationships

Youth/Adult Partnerships

Give Responsibility: Watch us succeed

Ask a young person for advice, and respect what they say
Trust a young driver to use your car
Give young people space to make their own decisions
Give a young person the opportunity to plan a family activity
Let young people solve a problem or offer a solution to an issue
Present options when young people seek your counsel rather than telling them what to do
Respect young people as you would a peer
Teach a young person a new skill and give them space to use it.
Respect the choices young people make and tell them when you are proud of their actions

Spend Time: Discover our creativity

Listen to a young person's favourite music
Watch a film with young people that they have chosen
Paint or do something else creative together
Listen to the concerns of young people and help them take action
Attend events in your community where young people are actively engaged
Cancel or reschedule that meeting so you can spend time with a young person
Have a real conversation with a young person. Ask what they want they want to do and how you can help it happen

Include: Grow our community

Include young people in conversations

Involve interested young people as consultants, interns, apprentices and staff
Create opportunities for young people and adults to work together in your workplace
Treat young people as unique; don't assume one young person represents them all
Make sure young people are at the table when you talk about them
Invite some young people for a meal
Write a letter to the editor with a young person on an issue they are concerned about

Why young people need adult relationships
Building relationships is vital for society and for young people. Healthy relationships with adults have many positive benefits for youth and adults:

Youth who have access to, and conversation with, caring adults are more likely to engage in positive behaviour and less likely to engage in risky activity. Many young people turn to adults for advice about sexuality or drugs, and adults can have a significant impact in these areas. Furthermore, teenagers who have good relationships with adults also are more likely to serve others, by contributing to their community.
According to a 30-year study of children in Kauai, Hawaii the people most likely to grow up successfully despite deprived, abusive, or chaotic home lives were those who had a multi-generational network of family and friends when they were teenagers. Similarly, youth in poverty are much more likely to have positive futures if they have an established relationship with a caring adult.
Adult relationships help young people feel like "I matter" and that they can make a difference. Edwyn Claude, now 20, was paired with a senior citizen through an intergenerational program. He still considers Maryon Freidfelder his mentor. "She taught me nothing is impossible. The country makes retired people feel like they have nothing to offer. But by working with us, they feel younger, and we feel more confident."
Young people who have challenging adults in their lives tend to perform better in school and have stronger reasoning abilities. This research finding speaks to the power of tutoring programs in which professionals and other adults work with at-risk young people to cultivate learning skills and motivation.

Source: http://www.search-institute.org/archives/wtnfa.htm#1

(Find out more information from the Search Institute an independent non-profit organisation whose mission is to provide leadership, knowledge, and resources to promote healthy children, youth, and communities.)

Youth/Adult partnerships

In youth/adult partnerships young people and adults work together, sharing power, and learning from each other as they build stronger communities.

Things to think about when creating youth/adult partnerships

Looking inward: When young people and adults work together, they need to assess their own attitudes and behaviors and some key questions must be addressed individually: Do I appreciate different perspectives? What stereotypes do I have about others? Why should I be open to working with youth/adults? Adults and young people must be willing to honestly recognize and discuss their stereotypes and preconceptions in order to work together effectively.

Opening the door to communication: Often both young people and adults avoid genuinely communicating with one another. Communication can be a stumbling block in youth/adult partnerships. Young people must take a stand for positive social change and demand that their voices be heard. In the process, adults should take a step back in order to listen-really listen-to the concerns of young people. In the same light, young people also should step back and hear the concerns of adults.

Create opportunities: All people want to feel that they are included and are contributing to their communities. Adults can help young people achieve this by creating opportunities for youth that are meaningful and challenging. It is also important to remember that young people need the chance to learn from their experience, and from their own mistakes. Other things to consider are respecting youth and adult schedules, transportation needs, and other commitments when planning meetings and gatherings.

Reflecting: Both young people and adults should reflect on the strengths, weaknesses, and personal practice they observe through their partnership. Reflection can be facilitated through on-going discussions about: What have we learned through this interaction? Should anything be changed? What are some areas in which I can improve? What have we gained? How can we do things better?

Spread the word: When involved in decision-making, young people can become more empowered, responsible, and trusting of adults. In return, young people can energize adults' creativity and insight. Adults and youth who recognise the benefits of working together are great ambassadors to their own peer group.

Outline expectations and commitments: Both youth and adults should be honest about the expectations they have of each other and the level of commitment they are able to contribute to the partnership. Working together may go very well at first, but over long periods of time youth and adults may begin to lose interest in their partnership. To keep youth involved, adults should look at ways to help youth explore their interests and demonstrate the value of youth input.

Do's and don't for successful youth/adult partnerships

Young people

Do speak up!
Do invite adults to share their skills, experiences, and resources.
Do commit time and energy to do the work.
Do take responsibility seriously.
Do seek to involve other youth.
Don't stereotype adults.
Don't assume all adults will treat you like "you're just a kid."

Adults

¨ Do involve youth in the decision-making that affects their lives.

¨ Do listen-really listen to youth and be willing to learn from them.

¨ Do provide youth with information and training they need to succeed.

¨ Do be thoughtful about the special consideration and support that is necessary when involving young people. They may need rides to meetings, or may need meetings scheduled to accommodate school hours.

¨ Do plan meetings so that everyone feels welcome.

¨ Don't stereotype youth.

¨ Don't blame all youth for the actions of one individual youth.

Excerpt from: Youth Voice - A Guide for Engaging Youth in Leadership and Decision-Making in Service Learning Programs: www.servicelearning.org/filemanager/download/7/YVGuide.pdf

References

(1) Robbie Gilligan, Professor and Head, School of Social Work and Social Policy, Associate Director, Children's Research Centre, Trinity College Dublin in http://www.msd.govt.nz/publications/journal/28-july-2006/28-pages36-45.html

(2) Youth Development Strategy Aotearoa

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Parents & Adults

Parents and Adults